Today’s Christian Woman
The Best Marriage Advice I’ve Ever Heard
Why does it feel good? Why do I want to stay mad at my husband? There are likely a dozen reasons that could be suggested, but here is my honest assessment based on my own heart. When I’m mad at my husband, I feel superior. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I try to convince myself that I am right because I am better. I deserve to stay mad and he deserves the discomfort of sitting with that. It is an ugly lie of self-righteousness that my heart buys into; and it keeps me from loving my husband well.
God offers us forgiveness as a measure of pure grace. While we were still separated from him, full of sin, he poured out his love and made a way for forgiveness through Christ on the Cross. From this place, we forgive. Without condition or manipulation, setting aside our pride, we extend to each other the sweet grace that we have received.
Three tips for getting started
The next time you and your husband find yourself in the midst of conflict, remember the following:
1. Know when to call it. Have you reached the point where discussion is no longer beneficial? Are you too tired or emotional to clearly communicate with and understand each other? Perhaps it is time to call it. If it is important to continue the conversation, set a time to come back together and talk. If it is better to walk away, do so completely, leaving all bitterness and resentment on the table.
2. Say “no” to a passive-aggressive battle. Nobody wins in an argument your partner is not even aware you are having. Withholding affection, turning a cold shoulder, casting the silent treatment, and engaging in unloving conversations about your husband when he isn’t around all drive you away from your spouse. In the end, you will only become more frustrated and nothing will be resolved.
3.Carefully consider if this is a time for silence, (*Pick and choose your battles). If we choose to delve into a serious conversation every time our husbands say or do something off-putting, we will run our relationships into the ground. Perhaps this is a time for silence. Maybe it is better to reserve your thoughts for a day or two. If you still feel the same way, you will have had time to clarify what you want to communicate, or you may find in the wait that it doesn’t warrant a conversation at all.
*This person’s opinion